Minsu / pg-13 / 3572w / angst + humor?
It's November 20th, 2015 and Junsu gets company.
A/N:This was supposed to be written before Changmin left, but life got in the way. I know it has some date inaccuracies, but hey it's fiction. Also, I know Junsu has more cats >.<. Mistakes are mine, comments and all are welcome :)
hyukkie: hey, r u home?
thexiahtic: nope. I’ll be there in 2 hours
hyukkie: kkk ok.
thexiahtic: why? r u coming?
Kim Junsu, Fighting!
Junsu sighs once again. He sent the text 4 hours ago, Hyukjae even read it. He just didn’t answer; Junsu considers calling him but then gives up without trying. he is probably in practice. Or just gathered with his others members, or with his girlfriend or someone.
Junsu has his cats so he is okay. Even when he just set up the new console, with two controllers and that new game where he was going to kick Hyukjae’s butt.
He starts scratching Leo’s ear before the cat jumps off the sofa into the floor, he goes to the front door and meows, then goes somewhere.
Junsu sighs again, then selects ‘single mode’. He’s about to press play when the doorbell rings. Junsu jumps to his feet and goes to the intercom panel, he’s about to insult Hyukjae when he suddenly stops.
The static noise fills the place for about 10 seconds, the 10 seconds Junsu spent pressing the bottom, just staring at the tiny screen. He sees the right profile of his visitor, well what little is left uncovered by his black beanie and hoodie. Seriously Junsu is beyond amused now. He recognizes that face anywhere.
Hyukjae’s text makes sense now, somehow.
Junsu goes to open the door. Changmin is outside, carrying a plastic bag. They don’t talk, Junsu just lets him enough room to come in. he takes off his shoes and puts then neatly in the destined place. He looks around for a while before stopping. He stands there awkwardly until Junsu notices and goes to the closet next to him. He pulls out a pair of slippers, with the right size. Changmin lets slip a small smile while he slips them on.
–Nice place– he comments while he gets to the living room. He lets the bag rest on the coffee table.
Leo comes out of gods knows where and mewls between Changmin’s legs. Changmin gives it a pat before starting to unload the plastic bag while he stares at the television screen. There is a six-pack, a nattou container with some crackers and one last thing he decides not to unpack.
–What is it? – Junsu asks.
Changmin points to the screen and says –I’ll keep it. May be I’ll play it when I get back.
Junsu tries to remember what day is today. right. He sits next to Changmin on his expensive sofa. The only noise its coming from the television. Leo sits between the two, gets bored and goes for the nattou.
They both jump before it’s too late. Junsu grabs the cat, and locks it in a room before coming back to the living room, Changmin still holds the container.
–Do you still eat this? – he offers the container to Junsu.
Junsu opens it and the repugnant smell invades the place, He tastes some and exclaims –This is really good!
–I knew it. Yunho hyung loves that thing but I can’t stand the smell. That was going to waste in japan but then I thought of you and your weird fetish for nattou, so… – He looks at the floor.
–Thank you, Changmin.
–You’re welcome… hyung.
Junsu laughs out loud, throws a control to Changmin’s face and then hits multiplayer.
Changmin opens a can of beer, and Junsu drinks a sip of his tea.
They play for hours, Junsu beats Changmin butts while the latter beats the crap out of Junsu. As if they have been playing all the time. As if this isn’t the first time they see each other since 2010. They laugh when the other fails, when they beat the other, while throwing a cushion into the other’s face. Until it’s 2 AM.
They are sprawled on the floor; there is more food around, Junsu it’s on his third tea while Changmin is opening the last beer from his six–pack. The television is off.
–I can’t believe you are taller now.
–Are you drunk already?
Changmin just looks at Junsu as if he just messed up in Japanese. And then gulps the rest of the can. After he loudly swallows he says.
–What’s unbelievable is that you don’t drink. There is not a drop of liquor in this place? Really?
Junsu turns his eyes and stands. He goes off to some room and goes back with a bottle of scotch. Some eighteen years limited edition stuff that looks expensive as hell.
Changmin whistles in appreciation. –Now we are talking.
–You can take that with you. Jaejoong hyung gave me that as a birthday gift…
–You have to give it to him–he says between his maniac laugh– that he is not known for giving up.
Junsu goes to the kitchen and brings back two glasses and ice. Changmin’s eyebrows shoot up.
–I only drink on very, very special occasions. –Says the older, and pours himself a drink. Then he offers the bottle to Changmin who does the same.
They toast. They drink. Changmin has a very pleased face after he sips; the taste of wood is rich on his mouth. The drink has some spice that helps enhance the savor, it’s delicious. Junsu looks disgusted and pained, he feels as if the liquid is burning his throat.
After a while, Junsu starts to feel its rich taste and Changmin’s moves get slower. Junsu is still on his first glass. Changmin downs his third glass.
–Me being here, does it bother you? –They are now in the balcony, they are looking up to the dark sky that gets out shined by the bright city lights from Seoul.
Junsu gets startled by the sudden question. He is about to talk when the taller interrupts him.
–Be honest. I can walk away, no hard feelings, alright?
–I am happy you’re here. I am very happy. –He tells him, while looking at the city– I was feeling lonely, the others aren’t around. But now you’re here and it’s okay. It’s great to play and be with someone who understands you and treats you like a normal and real person. I actually missed your mistreatment. – He finishes with a laugh.
Changmin snorts. –I know how that feels, there used to be people that understood me. But now only Yunho understands.
Junsu closes his eyes, he feels guilt pooling on his stomach. –Changmin–ah…
–No, no let me fix it. There used to be people that I thought understood me, But I was wrong. How could they understand me when even I did not get myself? – He covers his eyes with his hands.
–Weren’t you happy? – He uncovers his eyes to fix them on Junsu.–At that time, were we happy?
–I was. We were happy. We had fun, we faced it all together, we were really happy.
–I didn’t knew it hyung.–Junsu stares at Changmin.
–I realized it. How happy we were, after you guys left. You know they say: you can’t see the rainbow without the rain. I totally missed the rainbow. – He says while he shakes his head–When you guys left, there was no one who will mother me, or cook spicy or buy stuff I didn’t know I needed, no one who would give me advice on dating, or join me while composing, who will like my lyrics. No one to play video games with, to be silly with, no one to annoy. Nobody annoyed me or played pranks on me.
The guilt is reaching Junsu’s lungs, trying to suffocate him.
–I’m sorry, we never meant for you…–Changmin raises is hand.
–I did not come here to hear your apologies, or any of that shit. It’s been six years already, that’s in the past. Believe me when I say this hyung: I understand. I did understand. Shit happens. People change, life goes on.
–You know the only thing we regret off all this is that we lost you two in the way.
–And after all, what I wished is that you didn’t have to leave for things to change–Changmin says and gets lost on his thoughts–To achieve something you have to lose something of equal value. – He looks up to the sky trying to find the stars– I wasn’t alone hyung. It took me months to realize it. I was being eaten by the sorrow, the regrets, and the hate towards–
–You hated us? Do you hate us, Changmin?
–In the beginning. I did for months. Until I remembered Yunho. Until I saw what all that did to him. Then I loathed you. How could you leave us? How could you leave the fucking group we made with our sweat and blood be recognized, be loved? How could you leave me and Yunho? –Changmin ends up yelling at him.
Junsu’s tries to bring air at his lungs as if he is the one screaming.
After some moments of silence, he takes a deep breath. –Yunho didn’t want to come out of his room; I’ve never seen him that drunk, that hopeless. His world was torn into pieces, he was carrying all the weight and I was just stabbing the sharpest pieces into his heart each time we crossed each other. It was awful. – He almost sobs.
–It took petty fights, fists, it took rip each other apart. One night I was screaming at him over nothing, and he screamed back, I hit him and he hit me back. Over and over. Until his blood stained my shirt and mine tainted his fists–Changmin clenches his fist as if he is still fighting.–After that night, we became a team. We became equals. Yunho is now to me what the three of you were, and more.
–Not only Yunho, there are others. I learnt to open myself to others. I was too closed up in our world. Thinking no one would understand, thinking no one would listen. Now I have new friends, and I have promised to cherish the ones who have stuck with me all this time. Yunho learnt to lean on me, on others, to say no, to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom. That one took time.
Junsu swallows, tries to laugh but instead sniffs a little. He tries not to think about how he now lives alone, and mostly works by himself, how there is no Jaejoong with his weird messages or Yoochun with his lame jokes. How he misses them terribly. And how he misses someone that shares his passion for dancing and challenges, someone that half of the time annoyed him and the other teamed up with him to annoy others. How tired he is of feeling lonely at home. He is going call or send them a letter after this.
–Yunho called me yesterday. –Changmin says as an afterthought, Junsu snaps of his memories and looks at him–He wished me good luck, he told me to eat well, to take care of myself. – He says annoyed, like a child– He said he was doing so himself. –He snorts– That he wasn’t smoking. That he saw Jaejoong and his family that they talked and that everything was alright. –He stays quiet.
Junsu had seen the news on–line, everywhere really. How all eyes were fixed on the reunion of U-know Yunho and Youngwoong Jaejoong. But in reality it was Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong, two people that for life’s happenings had theirs road separated and were meeting again, after years. He had smiled at the pictures, at the yunjae banners. As if it were six years ago. Seriously fans never change. And that had made him smile.
–He made me promise to cherish all my loved ones. My family, my friends, the new ones, the old ones. And the ones I missed.
–Thank you, Changmin–ah. –Junsu says while a tear stains his cheek, and hugs the taller man.
–And Yoochun is already on his duty, so you had to do.–Changmin says while he pats his back.
–YAH! YOU BRAT! – Junsu pulls his ear.
Changmin gets his eyes mismatched. Neither mentions his tear eyes.
Park Yoochun, Fighting! –They say smiling
Jung Yunho, Fighting! – They say with smiles in their eyes.
Shim Changmin, Fighting– They say while looking at each other.
Kim Jaejoong, Fighting! – They say about to laugh.
Then they start clapping, between the claps and shouts, Junsu shouts
Kim Junsu Fighting!
–It never gets old– Says Changmin with mismatched eyes, his nose is a little red. He could be drunk. Or is just the cold. Junsu rolls his eyes, and counts to ten. It hasn’t failed him all these years.
They got a tablet and started looking for some random fan made videos, because according to Changmin, there is no better ice breaker than a fan made video. And Changmin is right. They watched the typical fighting! joke they did to Junsu, Changmin says how proud he is that the others followed the tradition. There is a collection of Junsu’s oyaji gags and Changmin almost chokes. Seriously Cassiopeia? There is a comment saying:
“Junsu is so funny, manly and sexy”
–Are you serious? – Changmin says indignantly while Junsu looks proud.
They end up looking for pictures of the other three in uniform. They make fun of the others, of how weird they look with their shaved heads, the unfitted outfits. The pictures photoshopped by fans. They laugh at the one of Jaejoong running in front of Yunho, because seriously, it’s funny.
–In a week I’ll be the one making you laugh.
Junsu wishes they did this sooner. Junsu wishes Changmin came to him sooner. Or that he would have grown the guts to go to him, to them.
–You’ll look ugly. Your ears will finally breath the air they need. – Changmin rolls his eyes.
–You’re so childish.
–Says the one that collects Legos.
–You know about that?–Says Changmin, surprised.
–Who doesn’t? But yeah, I watched that show. I watch your performances too, some dvds…
–Do you like it?
–What? – Junsu is dumbfounded.
–Our stuff? Our songs?–Changmin says quietly, suddenly insecure.
–Yes. I like your music; I like what you’ve made of tvxq. – Junsu says while he pats his shoulder.
–Me too.–Changmin smirks.
Junsu hits him.
–What about mine? Ours? – Junsu asks after a beat.
–I went to one of your musicals, last year. – Junsu is shocked by the confession.
–You’re really amazing. Not only that, releasing solo stuff, solo concerts. I am really glad you are still doing what you love, and that you still do it like 10 years ago. Passionately.
Junsu tries not to blush and hide. Changmin saying this off all people makes him feel too warm.
–Tarantallegra was really fun. I earned 100$ thanks to that. Thanks hyung.
–I made a bet with Heechul hyung. That you were the one that was going to release a solo work first and it was going to be something with an androgynous concept. – Junsu gaps at him like a fish out of water.
–What? How did you know?
–He thought Jaejoong hyung was going to go in that road – he chuckles, and then turns serious– You want to get rid of the cute image. I should thank you further for ripping that away from me.
–Can’t you just give away a compliment without ruining it?
Changmin sighs–I am working on it.
Junsu laughs out loud. The eu kyang kyang sound resonates and gets lost in the echo. Changmin follows him with a couple of claps. When they finally calm down, Changmin says:
–I wish you could release more stuff as a group. – He says filled with regret.
Junsu tells him not to worry about it. There’s not much you can do.
–We can do something.
–Don’t even think about it. We are fine, really– He smiles at him.
–You could be better, it’s not fair.
–Forget it. – Changmin huffs. He even crosses his arms and pouts. Junsu just pats his knee. He is such a child.
It’s 4 AM. Changmin fell asleep a while ago. Junsu takes a picture, oh, how he is tempted to upload it on twitter, or Instagram or somewhere and express how happy he is to have met with an old friend. Like a normal person.
But Junsu is not a normal person, isn’t he?
So he decides to take tons of pictures. He even looks for a marker and draws a mustache and beard on Changmin. He found really funny how he looked in that drama. He tried to do the same, but he failed.
God bless his voice.
He is drawing five tiny stars on the back of his hand when Changmin says:
–Hyung! –Junsu is frozen, with an uncapped marker in hand and holding his breath.
–Hyung! Don’t wear my boxers, you’ll stretch them out! – Changmin whines.
Junsu breaths again trying to regain the ten years of life he just lost.
Changmin is sleep–talking, and now he has a device that will give him and high quality video of this.
Thank you smartphones.
Junsu peeks his tongue out and wets his lips in anticipation.
–The day before yesterday I saw a mouse– Changmin mumbles– Yesterday I saw an elephant with the mouse on his back, and today I saw a duck patting a bear’s tail.
Junsu bites his lips to not burst out laughing.
Junsu wakes the next day. he is on his bed. Leo is next to him staring at him with a blank face. He has a light headache. He closes his eyes, trying to recall what happened last night.
He remembers it all.
He fears it was all dream. He doesn’t want to stand up from the bed and find everything in his place. No traces of last night ever happening. He wants to find Changmin spooned like a giant koala on his couch. He wants to throw a pillow at his face to wake him up.
May be Changmin is still there. And that seed of hope is enough.
He goes to the living room and finds it clean. There is not trash from snacks, no empty six–pack, no traces of the some eighteen years limited edition stuff that is expensive as hell. Goes to the balcony and finds it in the same state.
Leo meows from the living room. He is trying to throw his cellphone from the coffee table sliding it with its paws. Junsu yells.
–Leo! No! – Just when the phone is in the edge of the table. Leo stops its paw midair then stares at Junsu while, very slowly finishes what he started.
At least it wasn’t such a high fall, and there was a carpet; Junsu thinks, still.
–LEO! – he shrieks. The cat goes to the kitchen, and Junsu picks up his phone and goes after him.
He is serving the cat food, while checking his phone. The kitty starts eating right after he stands.
–Geez you remind me of someone– He says while petting him.
He goes to throw the empty bag of kitty food and stares at the trash can.
There were six cans of beer, and countless snack wrappers and the bottle of expensive throat burner. He opens the refrigerator, and there it is. A container half filled with nattou.
Junsu is about to record a live show, performing his latest songs. He wishes there was someone to talk to, that isn’t fussing over his hair, or his make–up, or his outfit. He sighs and smiles to each of them, makes a lame joke and they laugh. This is good too.
He is waiting for the director to call him, while he is watching his phone. He is trying to decide which selfie to post on Instagram when he sees a selfie of Changmin. With moustache, and beard. Made with a marker. He selects it.
–Oh, it’s a video– thinks Junsu.
–You’re going to pay for this–Says Changmin in the video.–So I’m really taking this with me.– So that explains where the other bottle of that thing went, thinks Junsu amused.
–You have to thank having such a great dongsaeng as myself, really. I can’t believe it’s 12 o’clock and you are still sleeping! –He says fiercely to the camera– I let this little guy out cause he was hungry, no wonder he dislikes you– He shows Leo to the camera who is actually meowing happily to the taller, he puts it on the floor, and looks straight to the camera.–I’m leaving hyung. I suck at goodbyes so this will do. – He looks to the floor, then at the camera.
– I am afraid, for everything. Will we withstand these years? Will they be waiting for us? A part of me believe that yes, they are always going to be there, the other part of me thinks, pffft no. But hey, if we could one time, why not one more, right? – He smiles fully– I am happy I decided to come, say hi to the others for me– mismatched eyes and all.
–Tell them they will have to get me more of these –he shows the bottle– if they want my love back. I know you miss them, I miss Yunho too. It’s alright hyung. We’ll be fine. Wish you luck on these months on your own. Don’t dye your hair green, seriously.
–Goodbye, hyung.–Changmin waves in a way Junsu finds cute. And then says:
tittle from:Dream by PSY ft. Xia
Kim Junsu, Fighting!